Catch up with Kieran

"He'd sent us the co-ordinates, we were going to meet up at a nice, anonymous, 'everyone-looks-the-other-way' kind of port. I was... I was hopelessly excited to be seeing my Master again, I can't lie about that, but there was also something else. Not fear, not anxiety, but a feeling... more than a feeling even, it was the KNOWLEDGE that everything could change for me, seeing Master Gejjen again. I'd been good. I KNEW I'd been good... I'd worked so hard! Learning to recognise when I was losing my cool, forcing myself to step back and breathe and calm myself, rather than taking any action when I was worked up. I'd reported back to him without fail, even if ninety per cent of the time I was just leaving him recorded messages. No lies, no omissions... even when I hadn't managed to prevent the REST of the squad from doing bad things.

Had I done enough? Had I proved my worth? I didn't know. I wanted so badly for him to take me back! But I was also ready to hear the worst. I had spent these months thinking long and hard, facing myself and facing everything I'd done... and I knew. I KNEW. If my Master still saw no other future for my relationship with the Force but a dark one, if he honestly believed I wasn't strong enough to steer clear of the Dark Side, then I was done with the Force. I would ask him to take me to Master Naduun, and have me stripped of my connection. I was ready to tell him this. I was prepared for this eventuality.

And so I waited at the port, trying to stop my mind from going into overdrive. I was ready. I was READY, for WHATEVER my Master had to tell me.

I felt his presence before he reached out to me. He clapped a hand over my shoulder; it was a brotherly sort of gesture that took me off guard. When I turned to meet his eyes, he was... he was... I must have done a double-take. My Master was SMILING at me."


Member since: 2009